Good day to you all. I’m not well.
The past two months have been some of the most difficult for me in a while. My mental health has begun to deteriorate to levels where I feel conventional habit changing and mindfulness are not enough. I have been trying to adopt new habits and get into a routine and things don’t seem to be working.
My work has suffered as well. I’m very close to either quitting or getting fired from one of my part time jobs because my brain seems to have decided that going there is incredibly scary and has caused me to have a couple panic attacks (one being quite severe earlier this week). This is greatly affecting my bank account which is causing me even more anxiety.
I’ve not dealt with this well. I’ve lost myself for several hours the past few days by playing video games and checking out of reality. I’ve had insomnia all week and have not been able to get to sleep until the wee hours of the morning and I haven’t been able to sleep more than 6 hours at a time.
I have determined that it is time that I take larger steps to tend to my mental health. I’ll have to bite the bullet and spend the cash getting evaluated and start therapy. Perhaps medication is in order as well. Problem is, with my limited income and lackluster insurance, I might not be able to afford it. I do have family that is willing to give me a hand but I haven’t spoken to them about aiding me in starting therapy. That conversation will happen very soon.
For my friends and family, please do not worry about me harming myself. It hasn’t gotten that bad yet, but I also am cognizant of when I start having those thoughts and have people around me I can reach out to if need be. I have a great brother and sister-in-law who have done nothing but show me the love and support when I need it most. I also have awesome roommates who check in on me regularly.
I will get through this. I know I will. It’s just going to take time. Thank you everyone for their understanding and patience.