List of F***ed Up (and funny) Things I’ve Experienced as a DM

When you get a group of friends together to play D&D, you’re really asking your friends to enter a fantasy world where they can do anything. And if those friends are imaginative enough, they will do anything. This always add humor to your game, but it makes the DM start questioning the sanity of their friends. Here’s a list of things that have happened in games I’ve run.


  1. When faced with the opportunity, one of my players tried to attack a green dragon by shoving his sword up their ass…literally.
  2. After killing something, anything really, the rogue of the group celebrated his success by peeing on the corpses.
  3. The same rogue killed the BBEG and proceeded to behead him and “violate” his skull.
  4. The chaotic evil Dragonborn paladin chose Loviatar as his chosen deity. Every morning, he had to flagellate himself to honor The Goddess of Pain and build up the will to cast spells for the day. He chose this deity as part of his backstory, where his anger was responsible for his best friend’s death and he chose Loviatar to pay penance for his sin.
  5. The Dragonborn paladin witnessed a dwarf steal a bottle of liquor from a bar so he followed him into the bathroom, beat him up, ripped off his thumbs, and left him in the bathroom stall.
  6. I asked my players to give me a secret to use for their backstory. The player playing the rogue told me their secret was that they had a “girlfriend” whom they kidnapped and chained in a cave. Sounds horrible, I know, but I turned it around on them by making the girlfriend obsessed with the rogue in some Stockholm Syndrome scenario. This storyline was quickly abandoned.
  7. The party’s dwarf paladin had a habit of drinking so much that they regularly streaked naked through the streets and woke in strange places, including the doorstep of the townmaster.
  8. The half orc bard made a bet with the dwarf paladin, who lost and had to surrender his family’s heirloom flask. The bard had adopted a goblin as his son and secretly had the goblin pee in the flask. Many weeks later, the dwarf got his flask back and took a drink, claiming he didn’t remember putting light beer in it.
  9. To introduce the Dragonborn paladin and the half elf ranger to the party, we came up with the story that the paladin hired the ranger to escort him through the forest, but they were ambushed by goblins and ended up at the bottom of a trap pit. Once the party rescued them, they had a bit of a bicker about the ranger’s effectiveness before the paladin simply pushed the ranger back into the pit.
  10. Instead of going to rescue their boss’s companion who was jumped and kidnapped, they decided to fulfill their contract by taking the goods they were charged with to town. A couple days later, that companion appeared in town severely beaten and furious at the party for not rescuing him.
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